I am 49 and today, I’m feeling it. All of the feelings are happening now. Perimenopause, the end of a stage of life, the end of a possibility.
To have the potential to carry a life to nurture and grow a baby is the ultimate power. It really is. No one ever talks about that aspect of being able to bear a child but for those of us who have that ability, even if we don’t use it, we revel in that form of creative ability.
As our child bearing bodies let go of that child bearing ability, we experience trauma. We will say and do things, with all the good intentions in the world…….and we will hurt others.
We will experience darkness and regret.
We will have to deal with negative outcomes due to our behaviour, even when our intentions were positive.
We will should all over ourselves and we will feel like we missed an opportunity.
We will feel guilty. We will cause harm.
The real power of being human, is how we show up and deal with the negative consequences of our actions beyond apologies.
This morning I woke up filled with relationship regret. I had a dream that made me realize I’m still mourning and I felt frustrated. I took three deep breaths and remembered… I’m not in my right mind a lot of the time so I can’t trust these feelings that are popping up to torment me. At least when dealing with perimenopause transitioning into menopause, single, and child free, I know myself.
I know all the things I do that turn other people away from me and now, no matter how hard it is, I have to woman up and deal with the consequences of my hormonal actions.
Don’t expect anyone to accept your forgiveness. You will say things that you won’t be able to take back and you will lose relationships. At the same time, my hormones were a blessing. I know the fact that I never was impregnated by any of my exes is a HUGE blessing in my life. I never have to see any of those men again, and that’s a good thing.
The learning happens when we have the courage to be in our discomfort, with the very person we hurt, witness their pain, ask for forgiveness, change our behaviour and learn from our mistakes with no expectations.
One of my big fears, when I was in my 20’s was to be single and in my 40’s living in NYC. Well, I was single in my 40’s for 4 years. I did that. I survived. I am still here. I am alive and I am living connected to my joy.
Yea, I color my greys. Sometimes, when I don’t feel like coloring I use mascara to cover my greys for photos.
I’ve got cellulite.
I’ve got a belly.
I am single with debt and have failed more than I’ve succeeded.
I know who I am, I know my worth and what I’m here to do on this planet.
I’m still here living, lucky to be alive and in this body, as is.
This is what resilient is.
In a society that values only young things, to be growing older takes a strength that is seldom celebrated.
Here’s my top three ways of dealing with my transition away from my childbearing years.
1. Express daily gratitude. Perimenopause is not a disease. It’s a natural transition. I have so much to be grateful for. I am healthy. I have resources and am able. Gratitude is an elixir.
2. Yoga daily & Hot yoga as much as possible. Yoga is amazing. In addition, cardio and weight training keeps my mind right and offers a chance for me to literally be present only thinking about the physical activity and not worrying about what I did with my life or how many days, weeks, months, years I have left to live.
3. Meditation – guided meditation, silent meditation and moving mediation help me keep my mind controlled so I am a better person to be around.
Yes I eat real food made with love and work on all my other Primary foods…
Consuming primary foods unapologetically makes you feel…good as hell even while dealing with losing an ability I’ve had for 30 years.
Jeanine T. Abraham is a writer, actor and Health Coach. She offers affordable online Wellness support on VisAbleblackwoman Wellness on Patreon starting at just $1.00 a month.
Yes you read that right. $1.00 a month. Her wellness practice supports her production company, VisAbleblackwoman Productions where she writes and produces theater that centers black women’s stories to preserve our legacies.