Daytona Beach Florida- 2016 (46)
“I reject your assumption.” I said as I closed my legs and sat up out of the stirrups. The nurse practitioner at Planned Parenthood looked at me blankly.
“Well, you’re 46 so you are feeling the symptoms of Perimenopause…” she started, I abruptly cut her off.
“No. I’m not. I’m young. I’m vibrant, My periods are regular and I reject your assumption.” I said.
“Okay, so I hear you. Yes you are vibrant and you look younger than your actual age and time is still happening to your body. Now, I recommend we put you on birth control. Since you’ve never been pregnant, your body has not had a rest period from menstruation. So I recommend we try (whatever kind of pill it was that would have stopped my cycle for like 4 months to give my body a “rest”) in order to give you time without a period. Since you’re not trying to get pregnant, this will also protect you from pregnancy if you’re sexually active. But you still have to use condoms if you’re not in a committed relationship to prevent STI’s.” She shared gently.
I don’t know if what she said sparked something in my body but soon after that appointment, I get hot flashes. Yes, 2016, the world went insane then and my body reflects the chaos so I go to the doctor and they put me on birth control pills.
Birth control pills have always fucked me up seriously so, after 4 months on the pill I went off the pill, my body regulates and I look for alternatives.
Upstate NY 2017 (47)
VEGANISM, EXERCISE, BLACK COHOSH & MILK THISTLE, FRIEND CLEANSE
I was vegetarian from 2018 to 2005 then vegan from 2005 to 2010. Then, I was getting big joint issues and tendon injuries so in 2011, after becoming a health coach and learning about all the health issues that can happen after long periods of time with a vegan lifestyle, (losing teeth, weakened tendons, bone issues) I could feel those issues coming up in my body, so I decided to go back to eating animal protein. I felt better emotionally, physically and spiritually. But in 2016 with the hot flashes after the birth control pills, the weight gain I’d try Veganism again.
I also looked up holistic healing for Perimenopause and found black cohosh and milk thistle were used by Native Americans to heal menstural pain and worked well for some women with Perimenopause.
The plan was plant based diet, High Impact Intensity Training, and taking the black cohosh and milk thistle supplements.
The result, I was having to manage a low level of anger every day and it was super frustrating.
I had to pretend to be happy and joyous while in reality, I felt tired, emotional, crampy, grumpy which made me exhausted. I would think I was covering well, then I’d snap at someone, hurt their feelings and end up feeling even more shitty.
My intuition was super strong and I was not listening to it. Was doing the motions. I had attracted this group of friends who I actually did not fit in with. They were all in a different socio-economic class, they were all coupling up and I was not fitting in. Yet another situation where I was trying to fit in but just did not. I would call to connect reaching out to find out where the next social event would be. I’d figure out a way to seem as if I could afford to be there, I’d go, not drink or do any of the drugs they were doing and leave the party early so I could get the subway back to Brooklyn because I didn’t want to pay $50 for a car share or cab. I’d get home feeling empty. What kind of friends are these? I thought. So, without drama, I stopped inserting myself into their lives and those relationships faded away.
I gave myself permission to let go of trying to fit in and allowed myself to be with myself doing the things I love to do. As I do the things I love, that bring me joy, I connect with people who fill me up. New friendships blossom and I feel free.
All that high intensity training after years of dancing barefoot, I develop planar fasciitis in my feet. I need a new workout.
Birthday At the Arlo Hotel, NYC 2018 (48)
MINDFULNESS MEDITATION, HOT YOGA, ANIMAL PROTEIN & FEMNENESSENCE MACHA LIFE
This is definitely hormonal. I finally accept the fact that my body is changing and I have absolutely no control over the change happening. I dive deep into my writing. I cook and eat grass fed organic delicious animal protein at least twice a week and I hit the meditation cushion,open to receive answers.
Quieting my mind enables my inner wisdom to step forward and guide me. I discover a new gym is opening in Brooklyn, one with a hot yoga studio built in so I grab a membership discounted for 2 years. I start doing hot yoga daily and feel the difference in my body. The hot flashes, which have been minimal, come with even less regularity.
While visiting my folks in Northern Virginia, I run out of Black Cohosh. So I head to Whole Foods to get more. They are out! I panic, not wanting to drive all over Northern VA to find health food stores, I look to see what else is available. I find Femenessence MachaLife. I do a quick google search and see great things about Macha and Perimenopause symptoms. I go ahead and buy a box. I notice it comes with a 1-800 number where you can actually call and get support from a medical professional on dosage.
I start taking the supplement as directed with LOTS of water and by day 6 I feel the difference. A month passes and my period flow is less heavy and my mood is better. I’m able to get to sleep. After 3 months I noticed my period is regular, just once a month. I feel happier and my emotions are easier to manage. I’m doing hot yoga 6 days a week, as well as working out several times a week, meditating daily, eating well balanced meals I make mostly at home and I’m spending time with people who are authentic friends.
Friday Sept 13 2019 (49) Great lighting in a Starbucks bathroom in Northern VA
September 14 full moon in Pisces my period is on full flow. I glow. I did the slow food vegan summer for 2 months. In August I incorporated animal protein back in my life and it feels good. Monday before 9/11 I decided to start my friend Jessica Otter’s free 9 day liver cleanse. I took this photo on day 5 just over the hump of feeling hangry I notice my skin is clear and the haze of my mind has opened. It’s actually a great time to do a cleanse while on my period, because my body naturally doesn’t want much physical food while I’m on the first days of my cycle. And this particular cycle is special, full moon in Pisces and I’m a Pisces baby!!
This month, There’s this knowing. I’ll talk about this more in my next blog but to give you a taste, I strongly believe after 34 years of monthly bleeding that our moon times are a blueprint to our intuition. Damn. I’ve been bleeding for 34 years.
I just have to listen and take the actions our bodies are urging us to take. The body detoxes naturally. Pooping and peeing, detox. Sweating and farting, detox. Sexual fluids, detox. Screaming at the boyfriend that last time that makes him leave….for me…detox. Seriously, my hormones, naturally were rejecting the relationships that my mind was trying to fix.
I’m repeating that for me. My body has rejected all of the toxic relationships I’ve had in my life. I initiated all of my breakups when my period was on. I used to think that there was something wrong with me, I was difficult. Now I see, I wasn’t difficult, I was well protected. My intuition was able to end relationships that were not serving me. When my physical mind was on a whole other trip, my knowing mind was patient, she knew I would catch up some day soon, and at the same time, she held me accountable and did not allow me to be with anyone who did not love me, truly. Now I’m closer in wisdom and trusting my intuition. That intuition has always protected me and now, I know, I have a gift.
My realization that I am connected to my intuition is my superpower.
You see, I’ve never been abused in any way (So far) in my life. I had a happy protected childhood, I was lucky to have sane, wise protective parents. As young person, even when I didn’t realize it, my inner guide was protecting me, I listened to her. I was able to say no. I was able to get away from people I had a bad feeling about, I was able to foresee the trauma, get out of the situation, and protect my heart first. I’ve always been able to read the room for danger and quickly exit before the danger happens so far in my life.
I’ve always acted to protect myself then I would regret the results of my actions. Now I know I had not reason to regret the outcomes. Letting go of that regret, and grounding in to my knowing is a liberating force.
Yes, I am in my perimenopause period of life. I listen to my body and I rest when it tells me to rest. I don’t say yes to situations to be polite. I speak my truth and protect my heart always. I don’t feel called to be up all night out dancing, but I do feel called to wake up in the middle of the night and write, or make love or eat a cookie. So, I do, and enjoy without guilt.
I’ve designed my life so I can work from anywhere at any time connected to the power of my yes, to my no and to my knowing.
And that knowledge has come in, just the right time. I accept your wisdom and thank this period of perimenopause where my wisdom is keen. I open my toolkit ready to nourish my sensitivity and trust my knowing.
Wednesday September 18 will be the second Perimenopause paper. The subject is: Moon cycles connected to our menstrual cycles… hmmm… are they?
Perimenopause papers will be posted on Wednesdays for the rest of the year stay tuned 🙂
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